Becoming a Parent’s Caregiver

‍ ‍Ken Druck, Ph.D., Author, Speaker, and Executive Coach recently wrote about pressures of becoming a parent’s caregiver. Published in an August issue of Katie Couric Media, Druck’s article pointed out the many challenges, but also the opportunity. He wrote:  

‍ ‍“Turning the pages of life and caring for an aging parent means going back to ‘school’ and getting advanced degrees in patience, understanding, loving kindness, and compassion. Those qualities teach us how to support them through painful and difficult transitions, help them make life-altering decisions, adjust to unwelcome changes, and ripen into the better versions of themselves.”

‍He goes on to say that meeting those challenges typically requires four skills:

‍ ‍1.       Self-compassion. We need to show ourselves kindness, understanding, and permission to feel our vast array of emotions. Acknowledge it is understandable to be sad watching a parent decline and need help. Showing ourselves self-compassion as we manage these emotions is important.

‍ ‍2.       Self-care. We have to consider our own well-being as we spend mental and physical energy to care for a parent. It’s easy to become exhausted. Learn to delegate, manage expectations, and set healthy boundaries. Schedule time to rest and rejuvenate.

‍ ‍3.       Clarity. We need to be realistic in order to be an effective caregiver. We need to assess needs, determine resources, and forge a clear plan. This means gathering facts on medical needs, finances, and people who can play a role. This isn’t the time for rose-colored glasses.

‍ ‍4.       Forgiveness and loving kindness. These are the core of caregiving for aging parents. Some of us struggle to let go of old pains. Some may have regrets about negative chapters in the relationship. Some may have never had the close relationship we wanted. Now is the time to make peace, as difficult as it can be. If you need help, ask for it.

‍ ‍If you take time to work on these four skills, you can be better able to provide love and support for aging parents. You can share gratitude and compassion, celebrating positives and putting the negatives to rest.  

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